Tight Clothes on Fat Women

- Mike's Rambling

Look, I don’t want large womens’ advocacy groups sending me hate mail, but will somebody please explain to fat girls that certain kinds of clothes are simply not meant for them? I don’t want to get into a war over body image and “fat acceptance”, but these women have got to learn that you should dress a certain way when you’re carrying those extra pounds.

For example, a fat woman will often wear a loose-fitting dress. But she should not wear the kind of pants which are so tight that you can tell which kind of underwear she has on! Tight pants go in and out of fashion, and when they’re in fashion, they’re meant for a woman who has a certain kind of figure (read: not fat).

Midriff-baring shirts, tight stretch pants, short shorts, and low-riding tight jeans look great on women who have the body to match. But they are downright scary when they’re stretched over a woman who’s carrying a hundred extra pounds on her. Please, somebody stop the suffering. Hot slut clothing on a fat chick is a sight that no man should ever be forced to see.

"Grammar Nazi" Morons

- Mike's Rambling

People who use the term “Grammar Nazi”

Somewhere along the line, people with horrible language skills got the idea that they were some sort of persecuted minority, like the Jews in WW2 Nazi Germany.

In fact, some people even seem to take a perverse pride in their linguistic incompetence. George W. Bush never fixed his mispronunciation of “nuclear” as “nucular”, and you can’t seriously believe no one ever told him, or that he never heard. No, he never fixed it because he had no particular desire to pronounce it correctly. Or, to put it another way, he was not embarrassed to pronounce it incorrectly. Similarly, if you point out to a redneck that “I seen you at the park on the weekend” is incorrect and should be “I saw you at the park on the weekend”, he’ll get angry at you. Nobody gets angry at you when you correct their math; why do they get angry when you correct their grammar?

Of course, laziness is also a factor: people are increasingly handing in job applications and résumés which are filled with spelling, punctuation, and grammar errors (and they’re so stupid that they don’t realize what an employer typically does with such carelessly crafted résumés). Another example of laziness is the dreaded phenomenon of SMS speak, where words are compressed into barely recognizable abbreviations:

SMS: “you ned 2 stop bn a snob. who cares if i spell wrong o do grammar wrong? i still get d point ax.”

English translation: “You need to stop being such an elitist. Who cares if I misspell words or get my grammar wrong? I still get the point across.”

Laziness is a flimsy excuse for such behaviour. Does it really save that much time to create such an unreadable statement? The incomprehensible SMS version is still ¾ the size of the original one, and it is nowhere near as readable. And what about people who use a spell-check, but who clearly don’t understand which words they’re supposed to use?

Moron: “i went to the grocery store to pick up some cookie’s for you’re mom but their closed.”

English translation: “I went to the grocery store to pick up some cookies for your mother, but they’re closed.”

Sorry, but if you are an adult and English is your first language but you can’t grasp the concept of capitalization or figure out the difference between “they’re”, “there”, and “their” (or the difference between “your” and “you’re”, or the difference between “weather” and “whether”), then you’re a moron. Similarly, if you always use an apostrophe when you pluralize a noun, then you’re a moron. By the way, don’t tell me language is unimportant: the greatest advancement in the history of the human race has been the development of written language. It is hardly something we should take lightly.

Now I’m not saying everyone has to be perfect, but quite frankly, it appears that an increasing share of the population is not even trying. You should at least make an effort, for fuck’s sake! And you certainly should not get the idiotic idea in your head that you’re being unjustly persecuted. When someone corrects your bad grammar, take it the same way you would if someone corrects your bad math: grow the fuck up and admit your error, instead of whining like a bitch and pretending you’re an oppressed minority.

Manchester United reach settlement agreement with David Moyes

- Mirror

The Scot was sacked from his post earlier this week after overseeing a disastrous campaign at Old Trafford which included 11 Premier League defeats

Manchester United have reached a settlement agreement with axed boss David Moyes, the League Managers Association have confirmed.

The Scot was sacked from his post earlier this week after overseeing a disastrous campaign at Old Trafford which included 11 defeats - their most ever in the Premier League era.

Speculation surrounding the sacking suggested that United had waited until it was mathematically impossible for the 51-year-old to lead the club to Champions League qualification as a way of saving on a payoff.

The Old Trafford hierarchy have steadfastly maintained that their actions were above board, and the LMA have now released a statement claiming the former Everton boss has been fully paid up.

It read: "The League Managers Association and Manchester United are pleased to confirm that terms of settlement have been agreed between the club and David Moyes in respect of the termination of his employment.

"A settlement agreement is in the process of being finalised. No further comment will be made in relation to this issue."

Ryan Giggs has taken over the hotseat on a short-term basis until the end of the season.

New bride rushed to hospital because of two hour orgasm

-Mirror 

A new bride was left exhausted in a hospital emergency room, after she couldn't stop orgasming for more than two hours. Doctors were left baffled by the bizarre incident, captured on camera by the woman's husband.

In the video uploaded to YouTube, the woman is seen struggling to speak as she has repeated orgasms while sitting in her hospital bed, with medics handing her Valium in a bid to get her body to relax. 

She tells the doctor: "For the first 10 minutes I was like, this is awesome but now it's exhausting. 

"This is so embarrassing. I will never forget this."

But while reassuring her patient that emergency room staff are used to all sorts of unusual situations, the doctor seemed able to offer little help - saying that when she tried to research similar cases on the internet, her computer broke. 

And her husband of just a few months just seems amused. 

When the doctor says "he's getting a kick out of this!” he replies, "she asked me to do this!"

Story borrowed from -----> http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/lifestyle/article/2000110220/new-bride-rushed-to-hospital-because-of-two-hour-orgasm

HIPS DON'T LIE: WHAT YOUR VARIOUS BODY PARTS SAY ABOUT YOUR PERSONALITY

-Mirror

We're told size doesn’t matter... but scientists keep finding new ways to suggest it actually does.

A controversial study claims women with wider hips have more sexual partners and more one-night stands. Leeds Uni boffins say the broad-of-beam are more suited to childbirth and therefore keener to romp.

Many will scoff – women with big hips presumably – there’s plenty of science to say physical attributes DO offer clues to our personalities.

From height and hair to boobs and bums, our bodies are sending out messages...

Head

People with large skulls don’t get so forgetful as they age. Southampton University found pensioners with bigger craniums were better at memory tests.

A spokesman said: “The larger a person’s head, the less likely their cognitive abilities are to decline in later years.”

Hair

Bald men are considered tougher and more macho – but only if they shave their head completely. A University of Pennsylvania study found deliberate chrome-domes were perceived as taller, stronger and more likely to be leaders.

Redheads are most sensitive to pain and often require higher doses of anaesthesia and pain killers.

Blonde women are more confident because they are used to getting more attention, say experts at the University of California.

Forehead

A wide one shows cleverness, practicality, diligence and a head full of ideas. A flat one speaks of pragmatism and sticking to the facts.

Eyebrows

Chinese face-readers see personality in the tiniest details.

People with thick, dark brows are active and friendly while light and sparse-browed folk follow directions to the letter. Brows that point upwards indicate a strong work ethic.

More on this story here .......> http://www.standardmedia.co.ke/m/story.php?id=2000110226&pageNo=2

Kunyaza

 

If you followed my previous piece, Africa: Cradle of Love, you already know this is my big reveal (drum beats please).

My research into the subject of Kunyaza has revealed many enthusiasts who swear upon the effectiveness of this technique. Before the women jump up in protest about this being another male driven research that is designed to enhance the male image and boost his ego, I also happened to go to a lot of trouble, and not a little pain and embarrassment to interview some of my female friends, acquaintances and even a few strangers. Most of them had no clue what I was talking about but a few of them were wise to me.

Baganda Men

Almost all of the ones in the know tell me that they were introduced to the practice by partners from around the region mostly Uganda but also from Rwanda. According to these lucky few, women who have never experienced this technique are missing out in a big way. I turned my attention some of the few contacts I have in those places and I discover that this technique has been handed down from generation to generation mostly by oral tradition and Ssengas and Kojjas. Maybe this technique is the reason why our elders managed to marry many wives and succeeded in keeping them satisfied and in line.

Kunyaza

This is the name that our brothers and sisters in Rwanda and parts of Burundi know this technique by, Kunyaza. They literary swear by it! In Uganda it is known as Kakyabali (anglicized Kachabali) and it is alleged to make your female partner reach the big O everytime. Orgasms from this technique are reported to be more powerful and a lot wetter. In fact the Rwanda-Rundi term Kunyaza is boiled down from the verb Kunyaàra which means “to urinate” (remind you of a certain sheng word, “kunyora”, which means the same thing?) which gives one an idea of how wet these orgasms actually are. But don’t confuse what happens during Kunyaza as urinating, practitioners say that this is the real female ejaculation because the ejaculate does not have the consistency of water indicating urine nor does it have the odor of ammonia. It has a heavier viscosity and is cloudy to white with no odor, ohh la la!

So how exactly is this technique performed?

Tapping and Rubbing

Katerero and Kutunda as this technique is known in parts of Tanzania and Zimbabwe respectively is best performed with the couple in a sitting position as described by this technique’s most prominent proponent Dr. Nsekuye Bizimana in his revealing and enlightening book, Le secret de l’amour à l’africaine (2008).

According to Dr. Bizimana, Kunyaza, is best performed from a sitting position. The man takes hold of his penis, he then proceeds to rub and tap the head, glans, on the vulva, labia and clitoris of his partner. He can do this by moving rhythmically around the vulva in circular movements alternating that with zigzagging motions that begin from the clitoris over the labia and vulva and back up repeatedly.

It goes without saying that these movements will be greatly facilitated if there is sufficient lubrication. Note that up to this point there has been no penetration. This is just working her up. After she has began writhing and wriggling for a while you can alternate the rubbing and tapping with shallow thrusting movements termed gucuga. These shallow thrusts are designed to take advantage of the rich nerve area just a few centimeters in and around the vulva. Vary gucuga with gucumita, which are deeper thrusts caressing the cervix. You can do, for instance, one gucumita for every five gucuga, all the time making exaggerated circular motions against the vaginal walls using your middle and index finger to hold your penis to help you in this “screwing” (bad pun) motion.

If the man finds that his wrist or hand is getting tired the woman can take over and rub his penis against herself.

Dr. Bizimana advises that, although it is better that this technique be performed while the couple are sitting (the woman is sitting on the man’s lap) it can also be successful if the woman is sprawled on her back with the man kneeling between her legs (as in the beginning of the missionary position)

Some critiques of Dr.Bizimana insist that his adaptation of Kunyaza deviates from the traditional one by overlooking the labia elongation, gukuna, aspect of Kunyaza, which is considered intrinsic to it.

Experiment

Say what you will but form the sound of it this technique has potential. It has the advantage of hitting most of her “hot” zones without the risk of the man ejaculating prematurely. This technique might come off as being all about the woman but all that tapping, rubbing and gucuga are done using the head of the penis (glans), the most sensitive part of the penis, so men get prepared for “close calls” while doing this.

Having said that Kunyaza is supposed to be fun for the both of you and you should (especially the men) approach it with that attitude and not an attitude of “it sounds like too much work”.

Experiment with it then come thank me later. Tell us if all the hype and hullaballoo surrounding this technique is warranted.

When your woman refuses to let you out of the bedroom and when your man leaves your legs shaking then you know this technique has passed.

Next piece will be about gukuna, who does it? Where is it done? How it is done? Does it work? Also we shall look at if it is possible to increase the size of your manhood by simple exercises or if it’s all voices in your head.

Africa: Cradle of Love

Africa: Cradle of Love

The internet has taught me many things over the years. It has brought the world closer to me. It has exposed me to vast and diverse experiences (mostly good) from various cultural backgrounds. However, most of these experiences haves been of a western influence and so it was with a pleasant surprise that I came across a traditional technique that deals with, of all things, sex!

Conservative society

Most everyone would agree that sexuality in Africa is shrouded in ambiguous beliefs, myth and attitudes influenced by traditional cultures and religion e.g Many old cultures seem to have traditional ways of talking about and teaching about sexual pleasure, while at the same time practicing customs that regulate women’s sexuality. The subject of sex and human sexuality in Africa is not broached easily nor frankly. When the subject comes up mostly mythological or euphemistic language is used. This is meant to hide the real meaning behind what is being discussed. As such, if you did not have clue about what was being discussed to begin with, you would find yourself unable to comprehend the discussion.

Old Times

This problem is further compounded by post-colonial modernization and religion, both of which introduced guilt and stigma to sexuality with its notions of civility. In times past the youth was educated in matters of sex and sexuality by their elders. The girls were taught about their bodies, how to take care of their husband (when they eventually got married), how to take care of the home and how to perform in the bedroom. The boys were taught about their duty to their wife, how to be a proper head of the house, and what to do to pleasure and satisfy their women. 

Aunts and Uncles

Most of these “lessons” were carried out during or after initiation. This might be after circumcision and during or as part of the preparation for marriage. It was also done as a transition and introduction of a girl into womanhood. This education was carried out by, for instance, the aunt (sister to the girl’s father) traditionally known as Ssenga in Uganda or the uncle (the brother of the son’s mother) traditionally known as Kojja. It is alleged that the Ssengas and Kojjas would first sleep with their respective “students” to, both, measure how well “lessons” have been assimilated and better teach correct execution of technique, talk about practicals! I imagine all this preparation must have boosted self-confidence of the young generation and instilled a robust sense of self-esteem, courtship rituals in the old days were lively affairs. The diversity of these rituals is a fascinating study on its own.

Courtships

Courtship was a serious affair for some of the peoples of Africa, often taking the form of fights. Take the Surma tribe of Ethiopia, for example, they painted their bodies with various designs and then took up arms in the form of long, stout sticks. They would fight and beat each other and the only rule being not to cause death but anything short of that was fair game. The winner of the day’s bout was presented to the beautiful young women one of whom went home with him as his new wife. But there are other less violent, even beautiful, courtships. Like that of the Wodaabe nomads of Niger. The men of this tribe paint themselves with elaborate make-up and dance to woo the women. The whole courtship ritual is akin to a beauty pageant.

However, all this has sidetracked me. The purpose of this piece was to discuss Kunyaza, Katerero, Kutunda, Kakyabali or “Western Jazz” and what this has to do with gucuga, gucumita and gukuna. More on this in my next piece so watch out for it.